The No Swag at all File

By: Calvin Slime

January 2020

Every 5 or 6 years a local self proclaimed promoter, record executive, tv show host rears his ugly little head and tries to fatten his pockets. Let's bring this No Swag File from 2013 back to the forefront to remind us that not all that glitters is gold, that you can sink a hot tub, and that, well, not everyone has your best interests at heart. 

October 2013

Once upon a time there was a man who wanted to be a manager, and an artist that wanted to be a star. Now, some managers are there to help your money grow. Others, sadly, are there to watch their money grow off of you. Unfortunatly, this story is about of the latter. When they met, the man saw the talent and the naivete in the artist. And so he decided to spin his yarns.


The man promised the artist everything from studio time, advertising,  tv and radio, advertising on his car... everything you can think of. The artist loved the way it all sounded so much, and because the man said he had tv shows in the past and managed other artists sounded soooo convincing, without Dropping a Beat, the artist believed him and signed the contract AND the power of attorney, without reading it.



The manager and artist went on three lovely outings to other cities, and the artist paid for everything. Then, without a word, POOF, the manager vanished. The artist kept calling, emailing, texting, messaging on Facebook... and nothing. Months went by. Then finally, the artist heard from the man's girlfriend. The man was locked up and would be away for two years. But why try to keep it a secret for all of those months?


The artist whipped out his contract and began to see the fuckery. He decided to exit the contract and followed the instructions in the contract to do a 60-day dip. The artist had the letter notarized and sent it to the man at Bexar County Jail, by certified mail. The artist gets his delivery notice back, and then he gets a response from the man. The man said: "Sure, I'll let you out of the contract if you pay me $25,000.00. And if you don't, then your name and music and everything of yours... IS MINE."


Fortunatly, the $25.000.00 "release fee" was not in the contract. So after 60 days, there was freedom for the artist who will never ever lose sight again.


It's kinda like a horror story, isn't it? Don't let it happen to you!





Leon Valley city manager, and civil rights violator, Kelley Kuenstler, wants to take Scully's place in San Antonio, and manage us, and get paid A LOT of $$$$


Haven't we gotten fucked enough?


Don't let this broad into our city! She is a protector of the thin blue line and readily supports the abuse of citizens stating many times that she is not worried about her employee's civil rights violations because "We have insurance for civil rights violations."

Know Your Rights


We told you from day 1 that MTA Booking did nothing wrong. People need to read their contracts.

December 30th 2017

Why did San Antonio's Lulu's Cafe call the cops on Youtube Superstar Randy Santel of, and all the families that came to see him?

So, I have called Lulu's four times to let them offer an explanation as to why they reacted in such a ridiculous manner when top professional food challenge competitor Randy Santel of came to take their well advertised chicken fried steak challenge. D Major and I were there to cover and enjoy the event, and I was right next to Randy during some of the conversations between him and management, and everything Randy has stated about the conversations on his social media are true.

Now, instead of staff excitedly yelling and showcasing the challenge that is taking place, like they did just two weeks prior with Alix Cave (check out his cool video he shot inside Lulu's with the whole staff participating, they had an officiator named Bill and the waitress walked around the restaurant announcing the challenge and asking all the guests with great vigor to count down with her.

So what happened in two weeks? Why did Lulu's manager call the police and have Randy, his associates and all the several families that came to see them leave? Why?

There were plenty of open un-bussed tables for us to sit at. (It's not like any of us haven't cleared a table before so no biggie.) And even after all the fans were seated, there were still tables available, staff standing around, so it didn't seem like we were disturbing them. I think my table is the only table of fans that got served food, they made everyone else wait with no explanation.

So why call the police? One manager that day told me it was "because the owner does not like anyone videoing his store or of his food." "He just does not allow it." "He does not like it when people video his food and do not give them credit." OK sure - And that is why there are over 800 video references on Youtube about Lulu's chicken fried steak challenge.

So why??? Of course the journalist in me searched further and found an interesting report from the City of San Antonio Metro Health Food Establishment Inspection dated Dec. 13th 2017, that reads like chapters from a book, and gave them a rating of 73. I will post the report below and you can go read it for yourself at this link…/Fo…/FoodEstablishmentInspections and search for Lulu's Jailhouse Cafe 78212. It may or may not have anything to do with anything - but it might help explain why the staff seemed panicked and rude.

I hope Randy comes back to San Antonio on his next tour so we #SAFoodies can get together and just show him a real dam good time!
Youtube Randy Santel
@randysantel IG&Twitter

January 2014

This is the tip of the ice-berg. City of San Antonio - stop embarrasing us for fuks sake! We pay you way too much money for you to be stealing from us.



Lawyers for attorney Hilda Valadez, who is on trial in a forgery case, say there may be a connection between her case and a federal courthouse corruption investigation. – KSAT News Hey, Joe…..You KNOW that there are MANY connections…. The COVER-UP is over… Hoelscher failed to disclose to the Court that he too has been reported to US Attorney Yarbrough-New Mexico District and other federal agencies for HIS part in helping to conceal years of criminal activity including Constitutional abuses plaguing our local governments / court system and his recent efforts to defraud our Federal Courts.


Hoelscher also failed to disclose the fact that he has been conspiring with others to cover up Bexar County DA Susan Reed’s participation in the ongoing criminal conspiracy to defraud our Courts and that Reed has also been reported to the DOJ for acting as “ringleader” in the conspiracy by using her Office to stifle exposure and prosecution of numerous criminal schemes involving judges, attorneys, law enforcement , Mayor Julian Castro and city / county officials. Hoelscher also failed to disclose that DA Reed has also been reported to the Attorney General, the DOJ, the FBI, etc. for her part in concealing forty-five months of Texas Open Meeting Act violations making almost four years of city business null and void….as any investigation would implicate her in the criminal conspiracy.


The fact that attorneys on both sides of the case, the prosecuting DA and numerous witnesses are involved in a federal corruption probe and side “ Let’s Make a Deal” criminal schemes makes for interesting courtroom drama. Hoechler must be careful not to ask questions that would expose his involvement with US District Judge Xavier Rodriguez, DA Susan Reed, Fitzpatrick & Kosanovich and the City’s efforts to defraud our courts, bond investors, state/federal agencies and taxpayers. Reed’s prosecutors must be careful not to implicate any of their co-conspirators or Reed’s Office when questioning witnesses or presenting evidence.


Witnesses must take the fifth or risk prosecution for their participation in the criminal conspiracy inside our Court system. Working together they may all be able to pull this off……NOT….. One must ask the question why visiting Judge Abels is spending tax dollars on this Barnum, Bailey, Hoelscher, Reed, McGinty, Valadez circus when the unfolding federal probe, federal courthouse scandal and AACOG criminal investigation will reveal the “ Let’s Make a Deal” involvement of all the major players in the case….thus making any judgment null and void….

September 2013

PERFECTDavion da Great ft. Snoop Dog

Didn't we all just laugh and laugh at Uncle Snoop making fun of Migos and Future for thier annoying as fuk cadence? Well, move over Nephew, Uncle Snoop flipped the script and did what he said he would not do. Check out his little diddy with Davion Da Great called PERFECT....

September 2013

Will The Real "San Antonio Music Awards" PLEASE Stand Up?!?


It seems that everyone wants to claim the name "SAN ANTONIO MUSIC AWARDS" for thier 'Best Of's' in San Antonio... and thusly, there is a lot of confusion on who the rightful owner is, who came first, what genre of music is this one covering and so on. Let's get to some facts...


According to the Bexar County Public Records Dept., the original owner of the name "San Antonio Music Awards" is ALBERTO G ESQUIVEL JR. who was the first person to legally purchase the name "San Antonio Music Awards" on 6/12/1984. Esquivel owned the name for ten years and never renewed.


Rock venue, THE FALLS, has been presenting the "San Antonio Music Awards" for seven years in a row, according to Sonny at the Falls, with their first SAMA being held in 2006!


The Current is using the name this year, and it's not the first time they called thier awards poll the "San Antonio Music Awards." It wasn't but a few years ago that they tried using the "San Antonio Music Awards" name, but then changed it back, due to some community head-bumping.


And, last but not least, my girl, Rene Noriega, owner/creator/founder of the 501c3 organization in Killeen called WOJM+1 School of the Arts, a non-profit organization dedicated to bringing music and youth together, which used the name for three events here in San Antonio hosted by BREAD Magazine. Rene created and launched the Killeen Music Awards in '09, with their SAMA following, and in 2010 she was highly recognized by the city of Killeen making November 13th "W.O.J.M+1 Local Artist Day"! The proclamation was presented to Noriega by Killeen's Mayor, Tim Hancock!! She is an inspiring woman.


So... who owns the rights to the title "San Antonio Music Awards"? Legally, no one. But I say since The Falls has been throwing the event annually since 2006... my vote is for them. And till someone gets their business straight... no one should.